Friday, November 13, 2009

I'm Here Today.

This first blog entry comes straight out of bed where I sit, adorned in head-to-toe compression clothes because I wanted to feel athletic today.  It's getting dark and I'm debating on a run.

You may ask, "What are you doing home on a Monday in the middle of the day when you should be working or be fake-sicking?"

Well, recently I kicked my feet up and left a job to find out what Else is out there.  Aside from the whole money sitch, it was rather liberating to have whole days spread before me like so much food at a Thanksgiving dinner.  "I'll have some of This, I'll try a little of That.  You want me to help you create Something?  Don't mind if I do!"  It's a bit gluttonous, and I would start to feel a little guilty if not for the fact that I asked to sit at the kid's table for once.  I like it here today.

What was I doing?  To leave in the middle of THIS economy at THIS time in my life where things should/could/would be successful for me seemed preposterous to many a friend.  It also seemed preposterous to me in the dark when I put my head upon my really nice pillowcase in my really nice apartment in a really nice city.  A city I've grown to love for all the right reasons and a job where I basically grew up - right out of college and right through my 20's.  I grew right on up and into my self, and promptly lost part of my self, too.   That's partly why I left.  The rest is for crows, as they say.

Anyway, making that terribly important decision got me really excited for a few reasons.

1.  I listened to me.   A good friend once said, "That you can still hear your heart beat is a good thing, Kay.  Listen to it.  When you stop hearing it, that's when you worry." There was this constant nudge under my rib bones.  These nudges forced out the questions I'd held in my breath for far too long, "What else is out there?  What more can I become? "

2.  I took ownership of me.  I got off someone else's treadmill.  It wasn't the right speed, incline or fit.  And to top it off, the view i had from the treadmill was through the glass outside to a trail that led into the woods and up mountains and over rivers with my name all over it just begging for my footprints.  I stared at it way too long wondering where the H it went and if it was safe and would it be hard to run.
Finally one day I just decided I wanted to find out.

3.  I'm a Miller.  That's right.  Not only was I born from a pack of wild,  incredibly hilarious and talented humans who try new things and never give up, I was born with powerful potential and faith.  At 12:06 am a handful of years ago, yours truly figured out that we outgrow our environments and get launched into the bright scary lights of New.  New looks foreign now.  New is where I'm going.

So, here I am finding out everyday where it leads and what I am becoming.  I hope I'll be one of those bloggers who are incredibly faithful to their posts, as my hope is to lend encouragement through my struggles as a newly jobless, incredibly happy and equally trepid, active trail runner (or trial runner, depending on how you look at it:)) and hopefully share with you what I discover, or at least reveal how boring my life can be.  Excited for the challenge.  Who's not up for a challenge?  A Miller certainly is.  A You is.  A trail is.  A blog is, too.


1 comment:

  1. it. so well said. so easy to grasp. so obvi you'll get there. xoxo