Wednesday, May 18, 2011

hello, friends.

it’s been a while since I thought about how much i haven’t written on this blog:)  it initially started as a highway for my thoughts when i was living in Maine, unsure of what I was going to do next.  now it’s the quiet street i look to longingly whilst stuck in traffic.  i promise i’ll be better.
so i was on a run yesterday, having spent a few minutes toying with the idea of skipping out on a soppy river jog altogether and taking the core vinyasa class up at back bay yoga instead.  after some contemplation and a few blinks through the blinds, the 9pm walk home from yoga in the rain didn’t sound as appetizing so I hustled on some weather gear + headed to the steely gray Charles for inspiration.  a neighbor was just heading out for a run, too.  we smiled at the traffic light and took to the storrow bridge connect together.  his pace was much faster than mine. and though tempted to try and hang, i willed my body to take it slow, instead watching his legs flick like matchsticks across the pavement and out of view.  i was impressed with the number of people on the river getting some sort of exercise.  i mean it’s May but it’s not like it’s 60-degrees and sunny.  More like 48-degrees and pooey.
the thing i love about a run is how much you can accomplish in your mind throughout it’s course.  the sorting, the questions, the frustrations or thought patterns seem to iron out.  it’s a gift.  a shake-down of all that is real and personal for each of us. the talisman.
the rain came a little harder as i rounded the Science Museum.  i took an internal tally of the bod:  psoas has been feeling good lately.  hamstring will tighten as if on cue at mile 2 and so goes the calf and the soleus - but nothing bad.  the shoes are losing a little bit of their strike - i could feel the pads of my feet against the ground.  it felt good and i’m tempted to hold off on buying a new pair of kicks.  my feet feel stronger (or perhaps that’s just the post-Born To Run-glow in my body talking.  i loved that book for many reasons).
i turned down Memorial Drive and the windrain smacked my face.  that’s one thing the river never loses sleep over; it’s headwind.  
i started thinking about the last few weeks, how so much has changed, and yet.
the last few days have felt like a celebration of sorts:
my mom just finished up a show in Boston (To Kill A Mockinbird).  For the last month she’s pretty much been my roommate, with rehearsals lasting well past 8p and the drive to Maine too far for an early morning start.  we had such a great time together.
last week, I decided to do a 3-day juice cleanse (queue the collective gasp).  Yes, friends, each day for 3-days I survived on six, 12-oz purposefully made juices of the garden variety - and i mean that quite literally.  There are plenty of cleanses out there but mine came in the magnificent form of Organic Avenue’s 3-Day L.O.V.E. Cleanse, which consisted of a shot of chlorophyll (from alfalfa) followed by a bunch of pure, non-pasteurized, vegan veggie/fruit drinks - stuff like celery-cucumber-spinach.  Stuff that quite honestly will make ya gag after a few swigs (i got there).  I remember one particular moment when a stray grain of cooked rice from the beautiful dinner my mom  had made was lying on the counter.  I picked it up and thought about how good it would taste.  i don’t think i’m going to do another cleanse again.

i thought about ben - this incredibly incredible human - and what a great time we’d had the previous weekend.  how we’d gone up to his family’s camp in new hampshire for a wedding and had plenty of adventure.  we’d seen a bear on a trail run, canoed all sides of the lake, made big meals, drank lots of coffee (well, i did) and rebuilt the dock for the summer months.
repromise yourself.
we never stop learning about ourselves, even when we think it’s over - it’s not.  i have found i am stronger than i thought i was.  i am powerful and it’s not about proving it every time my legs hit the river for a run.  there are people who turn up and excite you just when you think the towel should be thrown.  and months later, you look at the towel and wonder where the H-bomb you got the silly idea that a towel needed to be thrown.  there are friends who encourage + propel the heart forward.  there is enough will power under these lungs to last SIX days on juice (though i’ll never try it).  we are a moveable canvas of incredible strength and grace and fluidity.  i’ll never stop learning this.   
i felt strong as i turned off mass ave and headed up marlborough, the final stretch towards home.  it was raining hard now but it didn’t bother me.  looking at the forecast i figured i’d better get used to it.  besides, it will leave more time for me to get on this computer and keep up twelveohsix.  hopefully.  :)

ps - saw fleet foxes at the orpheum last night.  simply beautiful.