sing the greys

I hung upside down - legs wide, arms long, hands grazing my feet and face facing out between my legs toward the charles river.  my hamstrings were very, very tight as they’d had very little TLC the past week.   Standing on the dock just past the Fairfield Bridge, i took in the MIT skyline, which now hung upside down in a cloudy sky over a slate gray river and for a split second i trained my brain to pretend the water was actually the sky.  it worked and then just as quickly as it became reality, it vanished.  kind of like when you look at a person you’ve known all your life and you pretend he’s a complete stranger “what do other people see when they see him?” and you can just barely conceive it and then poof! it’s gone.

This past week, I was in austin, texas to shoot a few videos for one of my clients.  i’d never been to austin before and I flippn LOVED it!  Between the production crew (locals), friends back east, friends out west and strangers on the street, I think we hit up about as many best food/music/coffee locales as possible for the amount of time we were there.  and by as many as possible i mean about 3% of the total amount of awesomeness in that town.  the place is unreal - although i question if I would say this in july.  already it was in the mid-80s and it’s only March.  yikes.  i’m a sausage in hot weather.  utterly useless.

it was pretty non-stop for the first few days, but on friday, we had a few hours to kill.  the clouds blew over and soon enough it was a blazin blue sky, plenty of heat, and nothing to do.  we’d exhausted the iced coffee bits, the food bits, the beer (quite frankly i don’t think I can look at another taco for some time...)  Then we had the brilliant idea of heading to Ziliker Park and checking out Barton Springs.  basically these springs fill this giant pool with fresh water and you can just swim and swim and swim.  didn’t need to hear anymore.  we were IN.  there were 4 of us  and in a few hot seconds we’d changed into our swimming gear (of course all the dudes had packed bathing suits but i don’t swim in hotel pools so...running clothes would do!).  

in we went.  it was a friday afternoon so it wasn’t too crowded, but there were still a good amount of people ranging from triathlete teams training (the spring was about 400m long and in a quarry-like place), to families, college kids to vacationers from Oz (a rowdy crew of athletic Aussies who took over the diving board area for a solid hour and were quite entertaining).  I thought myself a foreigner in a foreign land and it was so delicious - yet i felt like a fraud - like my alabaster skin gave me away and if confronted, a giant emblem would appear above my head that read, "I am from a land that sees this kind of weather in July. Our water is colder.  I've never had real barbeque in my life."   But that didn't happen and we continued swimming in crystal clear, cool spring water at the end of march under a hot sun and eight hours later we exited the plane into 38-degree New England weather and a day later i found myself on a dock under a gray sky spitting icy rain onto my sunburned skin.  not much different than the icy waters of the austin springs, and yet vastly different.  

As i hung there, bent over my legs, exhaling the cold river air from my lungs i tried to imagine what an Austin-to-Boston tourist might think on a day like today.  They might think “oh, boston is terrible. terrible weather, gray skies...” or maybe, “how nice to actually feel cold in spring.” or maybe they were just thinking "how strange, that a sky could mirror a river like that.  like holding up a mirror, and seeing the familiar for the very first time."




xokay

breaking the yearling

it’s been a terrific february so far which is funny because when i think of february i usually think of it as that dirty, ugly-stepchild month between all the white snow that had fallen in january and the salt sand mud mix that begins to flatten the romance we just had with said snowfall.  it’s the “i’m over it” month.  but not this year.  not with no snow and pretty mild temps (here in new england, anyway).  It’s allowed for me to be pretty mobile and excited that the roads don’t have only a thin sliver of accessible concrete for which to run, and i’m not having to looking out for stealthy black ice patches that always seem to nail you when your guard is down.  I’ve run with only two layers of clothing around the charles river.  sometimes i don’t even need the gloves.  i’ve gone to shows without my winter jacket, which is unreal. seriously guys, it’s the little things:)

Nope, February was well-behaved, and kind of awesome. So seizing the fantastically mild winter opportunity was a must. I hope it was for you, too.

Earlier this month, I jetted off to LA for a fantastic photo shoot for Zipcar.  For those of you unfamiliar, it’s a car-sharing network all over the US, Toronto, Vancouver and now London (and soon Barcelona).  I’ve been an evangelist of the brand since I moved to Boston over 7 years ago, so being able to do their advertising is incredibly awesome.  **while in LA i ran into Zooey Deschanel whom I believe to be a kindred spirit because we both sing spontaneously throughout life and she has bangs and also, her character on New Girl is pretty much me.  I mean, it’s legit.** I spoke of it for hours.  

From there, it was straight from Logan to Wellfleet, MA - a beautiful town on the skinny arm of the Cape, where I met up with six other girls from CRew, our track group of awesome humans.  We had a girl’s weekend at Renee’s beautiful home right right RIGHT by the ocean.  It was insane.  We tucked in early Friday night as we all had a big long run the next day.  Most of the girls are training for Boston coming up in April. I’ve never done a marathon (but now i’m feeling the pull. we’ll get to that in another post), but have been working to increase my stamina/speed in the half marathon.  Everyone was running between 14 - 18 miles so we started off on one giant out and back. And man, was it awesome. 

 

I met Renee 2 miles in (she had 18 to do and I had 14).  Renee and I hit it off from the first day i stepped on the MIT track last August.  She’d been coming for a few months already, has a lot of experience on the track, played hockey in college and is just an all around super athlete and the girl is f-to-the-ast.  She is a great running partner and a great inspiration.  She’s definitely helped me understand all these workouts/pace a bit better.  It’s a whole new world!  And though it’s still a foreign language, I now know a few of the words:)  

Anyway, the long run was great.  She’d plotted this perfect and beautiful course for us that took us along the ocean, down Long Pond Road, through town center and out to the precipice and a point of land where the ocean and bay collided.  The weather was crisp and beautiful and we kept a steady, 8/m pace throughout, dipping into the 7‘s on the way back, though I’m pretty sure it was from sheer exaltation of the beautiful scenery and that we weren’t on the Charles for yet another long run:) Then it was to the ICE COLD FREEZING BEYOND WORDS pond for a 10 minute ice bath up to our waists. I'd post that picture but our faces looking tortured, so i'll spare you and share just the legs (shown here).

Wine that night.  Too much and just enough.  Conversation was easy, homemade guacomole was in full abundance, and laughter was plentiful.  We got to know each other really. well.  Soon, we were up for a 7mi easy shake out and then on our way home.  

I learned so much about these girls, but i learned so much about myself.  All six were strangers to me a year ago.  and I would never know them if it weren’t for stepping outside my comfort zone and finding a run group.  Sure, I assumed I would be challenged by the coaches and certainly by some of the runners, but didn’t think I’d connect with so many in such a special way and be stretched outside my zone not only physically, but mentally and emotionally, too.  

Here’s what i learned:  Meeting New People Makes You Bigger Inside.  

I think I’ll stop here for now, because I just want to ruminate on this fact. Because it’s been true for me.  It’s funny. every New Year, I think about what 12 months from now will feel like and it’s completely mind-blowing to think that it could be so very vastly different and so much the same.  


But there is perspective that grows like a single vine up the side of stark stark building; clinging on and bursting in all sorts of directions, growing upward most of all.  And here is where we take shape and take texture and become, slowly, something new.  And it can start in the most simple of ways:) 


~xohkay  

*saw these guys at the paradise this week and cannot get enough. his voice is so haunting. so good.*

Watch the full video at Baeblemusic.com

The Maker

happy morning!  what a great day today is shaping up to be.  I met Claire for an early morning long run and we decided to forgo the windy river (change up!) and hit Jamaica Pond - our route being the "Emerald Necklace" as it is so called.  It is quite lovely; a bunch of skinny swatches of greenery/scenery that snake through the city, ending at Jamaica Pond - a Pond about a mile in circumference.  it's a great break from the river - which can be harsh and unforgiving - especially on windy days.  

Claire's one of my absolute favorite humans to run with.  No matter what the pace, it just feels so....effortless...but not in the "i'm not working hard" kind of way.  More like there's no guess work or trying to be anything we're not on a particular day.  If we're feeling slow, we say it.  If our bum + hamstrings are tight from last night's yoga practice, that comes up in the first 2 minutes.  If we need to keep a certain pace and we're nervous about it, we say so.  we're very honest running partners.  We accept each other's pace, encourage one another, recognize the need for easy, comfortable runs but also challenge each other/ourselves when we need to - almost without having to say anything at all.  On most days, no matter what, we inevitably settle into a pace just under 8s and conversation comes and goes, as does the laughter and recognition that YES the two runner guys who just dove-tailed onto the same path were talking about "bandwidth" while we talked about "love"and isn't that life. Figures, right?  She's the best.  Or when we ran on that really-freakin-freezing-morning in -3 degree temps and barely said two words but were EXACTLY what the other needed in order to make it through the run.  My butt cheeks were ice cubes, but my heart was happy and my legs appreciated the adventure (albeit it it WAS too cold to run).  It's so great to be able to not only be blessed with an awesome friendship but to be able to lace up the shoes and share a run together.   No matter what else the day brings - covering a distance with her before the city wakes up will always be a favorite moment in my day.  Thanks, Pois.  

xohs,

kay

p.s. i flippn LOVE this band and hope they make an appearance in boston soon (thanks, greg, for bringing them to my attention and for taj who reinforced their awesomeness). a great post-run listen while making coffee and stretching...enjoy!

Get Your Cannons Ready, Light the Wick...

I’ve heard plenty of people talk about how they don’t like New Year’s celebrations.  That they find much more joy watching The Simpson’s reruns and falling asleep at 10pm.  That New Year’s Eve, “is, like, so Amateur Night out” and “Like, soooo not a big deal”.  To them I say, good on you.  Go for it.  Watch Homer for the 80th time.  

No, I won’t pay $75 for a cosmo at Mistral and coyly find a random dude to M.O. at midnight....nor do i get plastered, wipe my face on every greasy pizza joint window begging for the last slice-of-the-night before i pour myself in a cab....but i love new year’s eve.  I mean it’s great.

And yeah, I shout HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! with every ounce of air i’ve got in my lungs because hot dang the last 365 days were tough and good and long and sad and meaningful and weighted and i learned a ton and so did you and i met new people and i let go of people and i changed my heart and opened it and discovered something about me and became more by becoming less and i just want to say thanks to you, Year.  And then, after i’m done saying thank you, I get to extend my arms to the blessing of a NEW YEAR with all my hopes and all my apprehensiveness rolled neatly into my suitcase as she approaches all clean and pretty and begging for paint all over her canvas.  My paint. Your paint.  Wild paint.  sure, every day is a new day, but it's nice to break it up in chunks and celebrate the chunks we've lived.

It doesn’t mean i get crazy with it.  In fact, this year - probably my favorite thus far - was spent quietly with my twinner on her last night in Boston before she hopped a plane back to boulder.  We went and saw a movie....then were completely blown away by the best view of the fireworks as they launched over the park, right in front of the movie theater....then walked through the park (hopped some iron fences to get away from the crazy mob of 80 million revelers), I fell up a hill with beautiful dexerity (i need to add this in because I really was quite graceful, mary said so).  We went to dinner at a great indian restaurant near my house and then we came back, baked cookies, and lay, head to toe, writing what we wanted to leave behind in 2011 and what we wanted to take with us into 2012.  We then burned these private inner hopes and wishes on my front stoop (it didn’t go so well - mine wouldn’t burn through which resulted in me going through a whole box of matches, almost passing out from smoke inhalation, and both of us having to take showers to rid ourselves of the noxious smoke smell) but we laughed and yipped and hollered at the physical letting go of the Heart Things that we’d written.  We felt lighter.  

And as we watched the clock countdown to midnight, our dad called, telling us that the rest of the fam - still recovering from the flu that had passed through our house over the holidays - had gone to bed and he wanted to launch some fireworks to celebrate and “could ya count down for me girls? I’ve some bottle rockets that are realllly gonna make some noise!”  He sounded so much like a kid.  My heart broke with happiness.

and so we did.

10...9...8...

i am so blessed to have such a wonderful family and friends that lift me up daily

7..6..5...

i am so grateful that I have a God that loves me, that created me purposefully, that will never leave me and who is as real as the heart that beats within me

4...3...2...

i am thankful for my life, and for all that transpired in 2011 and for all that will come in 2012

1...

every day is a new day.  every second worth celebrating.

happy new year, peeps.  from my heart, straight as an arrow into yours.

xoKAY

SUNRISE!

Happy New Year! 

I was over Claire’s house the other night vegging out (you’ve heard me gab about her before).  Actually, we were watching a really enlightening show about women vying for a man’s attention with the hopes of getting married...and though we were already swimming in the deep end of the educational pool, she casually mentioned that my last blog post was back in November.  I jumped out my hypnotized reality tv state and shook off the dark chocolate on my lap.  my long lapse of non-writing is not cool.

and i’m sorry about my un-coolness.

you know the funny thing? I started this blog mostly because i write better than i speak and in 2009 i had a lot to say.  i uprooted my life. I was unsteady but steady (you know that kind: you’ve done the right thing for your life but turn to face an entire horizon line that’s completely new and scary and stuff....), I was learning new things, running a lot, liked a dude, and felt like it was the only way to get all these “mind pop rocks” sorted.  With most of my friends living an hour away, and me all hibernating in the great state of Maine (wearing coon hats, eating snow, etc), twelveohsix was my connection.  To me? yeah.  To you? for sure.  even if the “You” was some great Internet Oz with spiky hair living in a basement and scanning old people’s credit cards.  I was talking to him, too.

but now i’m talking to me.  look at me.  heads together.  I WILL START WRITING AGAIN.

aren’t you exxxxcited?? yah.  me too.

Here’s a picture of a sunrise that symbolizes a new day for kay to write more and often.

Yay 2012!

xokay

wait

as is often the case

the song you tossed aside

is the same one that

bites your arm 

breaks your flesh 

bruises bone 

cutting to the quick 

against a skin you didn't need

one you didn't think 

you owned

************

this has happened to me so many times. i toggle through albums and come away with my top favorites paying little attention to the others...usually only stumbling across the gem-of-a-hidden-song only after i've had my shuffle on shuffle or something.  i love it when that happens.  when a song you didn't think you liked is suddenly filled with so much meaning; as if it were exactly made for you.  this is, in part, why music never dies.  not ever.  this particular song struck me in the face on my walk to work early this morning.  like a bird to the face.  i'm so glad.

enjoyenjoy

xokay

 M83 - Wait by Reike 

Lazy Days

this week's been a lazy-kay week.  you know those days where hitting the alarm 4x before getting up makes complete sense?  where rolling over and grabbing the coffee pot instead of the running shoes or pulling the sheets over the head instead of a running jacket feels right?  that was my week.  i mean, it's that time of year when mornings are cold, it's still dark at 6am and the bed is a cozy place in the wee hours of dawn.  even though you really never go back to bed.  even though a few hours later you wish you'd just sucked it up and gone to the river for an hour.  even though.

and the rest of my week follows suit: baked goods are brought into the office by the spouses/significant others of coworkers - warm banana breads, coffee cakes, or piles of leftover halloween candy.  and i munch on it all.  i mean, it's been a lazy week, and i don't have plans to un-lazy the sucker now that i've started.  i didn't set out to make this week that way, but once it started, snowballed, i figured i'd own it and chalk it up to Fall Hallows.  

The Laze (as i'm now calling it) has permeated my apartment living: i have no food in the fridge - more specifically, no fresh fruit or veggies. I've been eating out or eating hummus and chips for dinner.  very healthy.  my running clothes have piled up on the chair that i've unofficially made the keeper of all the apparel that finds itself out of it's respective drawer, closet, shelf.  i need to vacuum, i need to do laundry, i need that toilet bowl cleaner thing and i need to clean my windows.

The Laze.  felt so good for a few days but now i feel like a slob:)  so it's changing this weekend and i'm excited about it.  the clocks are resetting, the mornings will brighten, and i'm reclaiming my active self (and my apartment!) again.  I miss the sweet exhilaration and spent happiness of a long run and the steamy sweat fog that lifts off the shoulders once it's all over.  

this video inspired me this morning and i'm so glad to know that all it takes to reset the self is stepping outside, and hitting the trail.

enjoy.

xxoo

kay

Onwards from AKQA on Vimeo.